Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Frighteningly real

I love basil for its fresh minty taste that spells summer.  These were from my mum's garden from which I had gleefully picked a massive bunch.  I'll return them as a pot of pesto soon.

Pesto one of the first things I've made, back in early uni days, I think.  I was always too clumsy and my mum was a great cook, so I hardly ever ventured into the kitchen.  But my parents were away that year, so I had free reign.  I made some pesto pasta and gave some to my grandparents to try.  My grandfather screwed up his face and couldn't get away from it fast enough.  Grandma glared at him and said he should be grateful that I had made an effort, while eating the bowl of pasta. Waste not, want not.  It was pretty hilarious!

Little did they, or I, knew that I would contemplate a career in food?

I'm back home a few weeks now, and have gotten back into the swing of things, like a 9-5 desk job.  I'm finding it so difficult to focus, just as I was before the trip.  Being away hasn't helped and neither has the variety of work (setting up software on a virtual machine is as mind numbing as it sounds.)  Even looking at code is no longer engaging, let alone fun.  But still, it's work, and they are very kind to let me come back from a long break.  Guilt for my lack of productivity is both frustrating and depressing.

I've been a bit quiet for the last few weeks, wrestling with some big decisions.  Both my favourite cafe (with a newly opened bakery) and restaurant have vacancies and I'm jumping at this chance to work for them.  Nothing special, just as a kitchen hand, but last year's stint in the kitchen has left me no doubt that this is what I want to do.  It's going to be a lot hard work, but more importantly, I'll learn lots.  I'm super excited to say the least.

I would love to give up my day job and work for them, but it's not the right thing to do.  It's not just the pay.  Work has been too good to me and I can't turn around and resign.  What if I really suck as a kitchen hand?  Can I live on the new wage?  Maybe I should rent a room out?  What's my back out plan?  Permutations of arrangements swimming round and round in my head. 

Brood.  BroodBrood.  And email and talk.

Life is propelling me in this direction and all my vague dreams have become frighteningly real. When I left my last job about two years ago, my boss asked what I would really like to do, to which I replied "Hmm... Maybe something in food or photography."  I didn't think I'll be at this point so soon.

Just a few more days and it will all be settled. 

Wish me luck.


  1. Oh Pauline. It must be tough after such an amazing trip away! To tell you the truth I find it hard every Monday. Good on you for being so brave and thinking about this change in direction. I really admire how you are willing to start as a kitchen hand and work up. You are so passionate about food, I'm sure it will work out. I always laugh when someone tells us that we should cook professionally - I'm too pragmatic and worry about money. But I guess it's a little sad that I'm not all that inspired by my job! Happy to chat in person if you need a listening ear!

  2. I might take you up on that offer :) Thanks! x

  3. Gorgeous photos
    And good luck with the new job